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Today, was my father’s death anniversary too so naalala ko na rin naman ang past, itodo ko na so I’m pushing myself to finish this post while my husband is not working from home. If my husband sees me crying “He won’t stop asking me, Anong problem, bakit ka umiiyak?”. Maiistorbo pa pagrereminisce ko. Hehehe! 

Before 2019 ends, I can clearly remember that I was looking forward to the year 2020 because we have so many exciting plans. I was excited because I will have my first “Mommy Trip” with my friend and sister. We have family trips both domestic and international but everything was canceled because of COVID19. 

I know that some years are filled with moments to remember, others with moments we would rather forget. 2020 is a year when your plans have come to nothing, when you realized that life is short, and your greatest wealth is your health. 2020 is a test of faith; when you feel out of control and you don’t understand why it is happening. 

Indeed, it is a tough year that will either break or make us. It broke my fragile heart into pieces, and each day I feel different emotions. There are sad days, tears days, fright days, shatter days, and hopeful days. So I was thinking if there is something worth writing for the year 2020? But the truth is, even year 2020 hurts, there are still blessings. Sharing this quote and favorite lines from Blessings song. 

 As I’ve said before, I started my year feeling excited, first week pa lang busy na kami. As early as January 2, we went to Indang, Cavite and we had lunch at Cafe Voi La. We had our first and last staycation for the year 2020 at Sheraton Manila Bay Hotel. I haven’t blogged about this trip because it will only remind me that this is the last time that we are complete. During our weekend staycation, my siblings and I visited my father’s house. Since parking is hard, we all met at Pedro Gil Station and sabay-sabay na kami nagcommute and we separated our ways in LRT station too. 

First Monday of the year, my husband and I went to H.I.S Travel Agency to submit our Japan Visa Requirements, we were happy that our Japan visas were approved and this time 5 Years Multiple Entry Visa. 

But my happiness turned into sadness because a few days after my sister messaged me that my father passed away. It happened so fast, I did not imagine that a week after our last visit was also the last time that we are complete. We don’t even have a picture of that moment. My brother was already in Japan so he was not there during my father’s wake. 

Read: Goodbye Papa 

While I was in my father’s wake, my two boys can’t be with me because they need to go back to our home. On the same day kasi nakisabay si Taal Volcano. Last week of January, when my husband went back to the Philippines from Singapore, the COVID19 news broke. Grabe, umpisa pa lang ito ng 2020 pero grabe na ang pasabog. 

This month we turned our storage room into an office room, it was supposed to be our project in 2019 kaso nagkaproblem kami sa contractor so ending, we just bought ready-made furniture for our office room. We we happy that we’ve made the right decision kasi kung naghintay lang kami sa contractor namin, wala kami office room na nagagamit ngayon. Who would ever think na magiging online distance learning ang class ng anak ko and work from home si hubby. 

February is our anniversary month and since it fell on weekday, we had an advance celebration at Cafe Ilang Ilang at The Manila Hotel. This time we celebrated our anniversary with my parents-in-law. 

Read: Wedding Anniversary Celebration at Cafe Ilang llang 

My husband was supposed to be back in Singapore last February but they canceled it because of COVID19 health scare but since there is no news about COVID19 in Indonesia, he has no choice but to fly. By the time he arrived back in the Philippines, nagkaroon na rin sa Indonesia. 

Ever since the COVID19 news broke we’ve been contemplating if we will pursue our Taiwan Trip, our flight was canceled last February but it was confirmed again after few days so we thought that we can still push on this trip. 

But things changed so last Mach 12, 2020, my friend called Philippine Airlines to refund our ticket and as of this writing, Philippine Airlines is still not refunding our plane ticket. Last May, sabi nila we will received the refund after 3 billing cycles, then last September after 100 business days tapos pagdating ng November, after 150 business days daw. Today, January 2021 na, wala pa rin ang refund namin from PAL, grrr. 

March 15, 2020 is the start of the Community Quarantine in the Philippines so the majority of the people are in a panic. A few days before the CQ was implemented, we just did our usual grocery and palengke errands. Hindi namin naisip na maghoard because we did not imagine na maglalast itong quarantine. We are thankful na hindi naman tayo nagkakaubusan ng foods and drinks supply. 

My son’s school year was almost finished, last day of final exam na nga lang nabitin pa. No classes na agad sa lahat ng school sa Philippines. First time na hindi natapos ang school year. 

I’m an introvert + a full-time mom so staying at home is not really a problem. I am happy being at home because I have so many things that I can do. When Community Quarantine started, I subscribed to Netflix, I took a lot of free classes at Brit + Co site (1 month) and I started my freelance journey. When time permits, I design social media graphics for clients.

I felt that my life seems okay even there is community quarantine then four days after I posted my Day 32 of Community Quarantine, life hits me so hard. I lost my sister and friend, it was so sudden and we’re all shocked. We were supposed to go to Taiwan last March, nacancel lang. How I wish natuloy man lang yun bago pa siya kinuha ni Lord. We’re supposed to go to Norway this year sana, it was her dream to go back there after 2 decades pero hindi na rin mangyayari. I know that God has reasons but I miss my sister. I did not know na yung wake and internment ng father ko yun na rin yung last moment namin together. Wala man lang siya decent funeral because of Community Quarantine. Truly, life is short and we don’t know when it is our time. 

My world suddenly stopped when my sister died, I felt that there is a part of me that was lost when she was gone. No matter what I do to move on from this heartache, deep down inside I know that pain never leaves. I just have to accept the fact that I have to continue living without her. So I’m literally living one day at a time, with no plan at all. I was also focused on helping my sister’s family in getting my sister’s death benefits. It is so hard to get all the documents needed since most of the private and government offices were closed. 

After one year of planning and preparing our mini vegetable garden, nakapagharvest na rin kami ng vegetables. I have no contribution since si hubby lang naman nag-aalaga ng halaman. Hehehe! But I am happy that we saved money because may vegetables na kami for Sinigang and Nilaga na dish. 

My husband planned to visit Siargao for his birthday celebration, minsan lang siya magplan hind pa natuloy but of course, we still celebrate his birthday at home. We had pizzas and cake, happy na kami dun kasi ang tagal din namin hindi nakakabili ng cake and pizza. Hehehe! 

After so many months of waiting, my son’s school card was released and he is a Gold Eagle Awardee again. Yey! So sad that there is no Recognition Day for them so I am praying that COVID19 will end soon para naman may graduation picture at makaakyat ng stage. 

Community Quarantine is slowly relaxing so I am thankful that after 109 days of being stuck at home, nakalabas na rin ako. May Quarantine Pass na rin ako so I was able to visit my dentist for my monthly brace adjustment. 

My husband gifted me a Cricut Maker, this was a delayed wedding anniversary gift. Naabutan ng lockdown kasi. 

I was about to explore my Cricut Maker but ended up opening my shop at ETSY. I love creating social media graphics and printables so I decided to list some of the designs on my online store. I only have few sales but I am still not losing hope, someday tataas na rin ang SEO ko and marami na rin makakavisit sa store ko. If you need some social media graphics and printable greeting cards, gift tags and stickers then visit my store. 

Wala talaga interest anak ko sa mga summer classes gusto niya talaga kapag bakasyon, vacation lang. Hehehe! Pero since March pa siya wala ginagawa, puro Netflix and TV lang so my husband decided to enroll him in different online classes. Actually, he doesn’t like the idea but ended up liking the classes that he took. 

My husband has been helping his parents in processing my sister-in-law’s death benefits. She passed away last August 2019 pero until now hindi pa rin tapos, naabutan din ng lockdown so when my husband went to visit her mom para kunin yung documents na ipapasa niya, he mentioned to me na masama daw pakiramdam ni mother-in-law. After few days, we were surprised na naconfined na sa hospital. Just like that, my husband and in-laws are in a cancer battle again. I am praying hard na sana wala na susunod pa na magkasakit. Praying for good health for everyone. 

Both my mom and my mother-in-law are battling their own sickness and this song “I Pray” by Marlo Mortel is so touching 

"Night after night, I sit and pray 

That the day I fear would never come our way 

I pray that you will never have to go away 

One day the pain you're feeling it'll go away 

Ma, I know that time goes by so fast 

I wanna make our every moment last 

Whatever it'll take, I'll take the chance 

I'd give up everything to see you dance 

Oh Lord I pray, give her all the strength she needs 

Oh Lord I pray, that she won't lose her faith, no, not a minute 

Lord I pray, that you will never ever take her from me 

Not tomorrow, not today, forever she will stay"

We missed eating out especially the buffet and samgyeopsal so one of our good buys last year is Imarflex Health Grill. So whenever we crave a Korean BBQ, we can eat it at the comfort of our home. For my quarantined birthday, we had steak and seafood grill at home. 

Last March, we donated our Globe Reward Points but this month we used our points and claimed free meals at Mcdonalds and Jollibee. Namiss ko ang fastfoods. 

June is the usual start of the school year in the Philippines but because of the crazy year 2020, hindi malaman kung kelan ba talaga start. My son’s school started classes a little bit late compared to other private schools, akala nga namin susundin pa nila yung sa DepEd. At last they decided to start na rin so my son was back in school after 5 months of vacation at home. It was our first experience of online class and so far mas prefer ko ito, mas at peace ako nasa bahay lang anak ko. 

Since ECQ, it was my first time to go to Landers and Mall, for the longest time si hubby ang nagrogrocery sa amin, and for a change sumama ako. It was funny because Valentine’s month yung last na punta ko and pagbalik ko puro Christmas Decorations na. 

The first time also that I was able to travel to Valenzuela and visited my sister’s home. For the past few months I’ve been contemplating whether to visit or not. Part of me wants to go but another part of me doesn’t want to go because I know that reality will hit me more. It was my first time seeing her urn sa personal and I was happy na okay ang nagawa kong name and date vinyl stickers for her urn. It was my second project using my Cricut Maker. 

My son celebrated his 12th birthday at home. Last year, I was thinking to celebrate his birthday in advance para kung magtravel or staycation kami, may kid’s discount pa. Hehehe Pero stuck at home naman pala kami. 

We finally decided to invest in our second house. We have no problems with our present home but we need a bigger space so we bit the bullet. Hopefully, we can move after two years, for now, tipid-tipid na kami ulit. 

11.11 is the start of my Lazada and Shopee experience, I know I am so late but I was trying to avoid this site so I can save money. Hehehe! But I finally gave in and started my online shopping. This helped me big time because I was able to buy holiday gifts without going to the mall. 

Yung pasabog ni year 2020 hindi pa tapos, so we experienced Typhoon Ulysses. We had no electricity and water for 16 hours. 

Read: Typhoon Ulysses 

December is always a busy month. I was preoccupied finishing my gift list, creating my own gift tags and stickers, wrapping our holiday gifts, and doing some Christmas Ornaments. 

Despite the community quarantine, I am glad that we were able to do our Christmas traditions like spend the holidays with families, meet-up with my mommy friends, and visited my siblings. Hindi man naging maganda ang pasok ng taon but I am still thankful that we end the year on a good note. I am thankful for the strength, for the hope, and for all the blessings that we received. 

I’m pretty sure that I am not alone when I say that 2020 was not a great year. There were a lot of changes that were made around the world. In spite of the storms of life, we can proudly look back knowing that we survived the hardest days and nights, pains, struggles, and challenges. What’s done is done and what’s gone is gone. We need to let go and move on. I hope that year 2021 will unfold good and happy times. Happy New Year! 

Eating outside and knowing that the virus might be everywhere is no fun at all. Nakakastress din kasi ang dami ng rules na dapat ifollow like you need to register or app-tracker. You can only remove the face mask kapag naserve na food. Some restaurants require appointments and some can only accept limited guests. The menu also changed, maybe they just chose the best seller and fit it in a one-page paper menu. And of course, wash your hands or sanitize before eating (though dapat naman na ginagawa ito with or without COVID). 

I just hope that everything will be back to normal soon. As of now, I’ve been checking my old food blog posts and I am wondering if these restaurants are still in the business. I hope so because some of these restaurants are my favorite place if I am craving for a steak. Sharing the list of restaurants where you can eat beefsteak around the Philippines. 

Care to share your favorite steak restaurant?

I did not imagine that I would be making memorial ornaments but these past two years were so heartbreaking. The year 2019, when my grandmother and sister-in-law passed away and I never thought that 2020 is another devastating year. As early as January, my father passed away and after three months, my sister passed away. It was so sudden and we did not see it coming. I have no idea that my father’s funeral is also the last time that I will see my sister. 

I won’t deny that it was really hard to celebrate Christmas without them. Every time I write my Christmas gift list, it will always remind me that they are no longer part of my list. Moving forward, they may be gone but they can still be part of our holiday so I decided to make Memorial Christmas Ornaments. I was contemplating if I will buy acrylic blanks but since I need a few pieces of them, I ordered Wooden Blanks. I bought angels and round but the angels are too small to write the message, names, and death anniversary so I ended up using the wooden round blanks. 

I downloaded Memorial SVG files at Creative Fabrica. They have different options but here are the designs that I personally used for my project.  

Because someone we love is in heaven, there is a little bit of heaven in our home. Check the design here and here.      

Christmas with you in heaven will never be the same. I watch for signs you’re with me each and every day. I remember Holiday’s past with both joy and sorrow in my heart. Until we meet again I can feel we’re never far apart.  

Glossy Sticker Paper 

Christmas Tree Wooden Blank Painting Craft PHP133 - 10 pcs (bought it from Lazada) 

At first, I want to use my Cricut Maker but I know that it is hard to weed if there are small letters so I just made a Printable sticker. I measured the wooden blanks and using Photoshop, I created circles and placed the SVG files. I printed this on glossy sticker paper, cut the circles, placed the sticker on wooden blanks, and put string. I added the name and death anniversary below the design except for these two, I placed the name and death anniversary at the back using vinyl stickers. An easy DIY Christmas project. 

As I’ve said before, it is hard to celebrate the holidays after you lose someone but to help you to move forward, I will share with you this song that I kept playing since the start of ber-months. 

Where You Are by Craig Aven 

I'm not going to lie, 

Christmas really hurts this time

'Cause, you're not here to celebrate with me. 

Tears fill my eyes, And memories flood my mind, 

As I place your ornament upon our tree. 

Although this year, I have a broken heart 

It gives me hope and joy as I remember where you are. 

You're with the Son of God 

You're with the Prince of Peace 

You're with the One we're celebrating 

And that thought amazes me.

Sometimes I still break down grieving that we're apart 

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are 

'cause you're with the Son of God. 

Got your picture in the frame 

And a stocking with your name 

Oh God knows it's been hard letting go. 

And I can't bring you back 

But I'll see you again. 

And oh that thought is healing to my soul. 

And I'll miss making angels with you in the snow. 

I guess instead you will be singing with them all around the throne. 

'Cause You're with the Son of God 

You're with the Prince of Peace 

You're with the One we're celebrating 

And that thought amazes me. 

Sometimes I still break down grieving that we're apart, 

But the sweetest gift is knowing where you are. 

You're with the Son of God. 

And I know how much this season was your favorite time of year. 

You loved to help us decorate the tree 

But now that you're with Jesus 

Can't imagine how you feel 

Cause He's the one who bled and died upon the tree for you and me. 

You're with the Son of God 

You're with the Prince of Peace 

You're with the One we're celebrating 

And that thought amazes me. 

Sometimes I still break down grieving that we're apart, 

but the sweetest gift is knowing where you are. 

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing where you are. 

Yes, the sweetest gift is knowing you're in His arms. 

You're with the Son of God. 

Since I’m new to Lazada and I’ve been reading a lot of horror stories, I chose the COD to make sure that I will get my order. I was glad that I received all my orders and they are in good condition. But of course, there are hits and misses too, just like these ornaments that I bought from Hong Kong. I carefully checked the photos and read the product descriptions so I know what I am really getting. But in the end, I received some products that are slightly different from the sample photos. Among the 3 ornaments, only one passed the description and photos.

Anyway, I still use the Christmas ornaments for our Christmas tree. I like this because I can personalize it, I just use a Sharpie to add the text. 

I'm thankful that we have a small solar battery charger that we can use to stay connected for several hours. My husband designed and assembled it five years ago. We can use it to connect our modem, small fan, and charge our phones. And because of this, he was able to work and my son and I can watch Netflix while waiting for the electricity. 

I'm thankful for leftover foods and easy to prepare dish because we had something to eat. It is hard to cook if there is no water supply. Good thing that I still have stock of disposable paper plates, spoons, and forks para wala ng hugasin. We already have a water drum so even we don’t have water supply we have something to use but of course, we are saving it because we don’t know when the electricity will resume. My husband also saved some water from the rain so we have something to use for the bathroom.

Six years ago, when typhoon Glenda badly hit our place, it took them 44 hours to restore our electricity. So we thought na matatagalan pa magkaelectricity so nung humina na hangin at ulan and paubos na ang battery namin, we went to my in-laws para makiligo and makicharge ng laptop and powerbank. By the time we arrived, I saw one of my FB friends posted na may electricity na sa amin. Thank God that brownout did not last for so long. 

I’m fortunate that my two boys have no problem eating leftover meals. I’m also thankful for leftover foods because if I’m busy, if we ran out of LPG, if we have no water or electricity, or any other emergencies; we have something to eat. There are times that we just eat leftover meals, it is like a buffet of different viands. Hehehe!

Speaking of leftover, we had a breakfast steak leftover so I prepared my own version of Philly Cheesesteak. I haven’t tried an authentic cheesesteak but my husband had a taste of it during his trip to the USA last year and he loved it. Philly Cheesesteak, or cheesesteak sandwich is made from thinly slices pieces of beef, onion, melted cheese, and hoagie roll. A popular fast food in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, and other parts of the USA.

I have no idea what kind of beef or cheese they use but for my own version, I only used whatever is available in our kitchen. 

Butter or oil Thinly sliced breakfast beef steak 

1 onion (sliced) 

1 bell pepper (sliced) 

Quickmelt cheese 

Mozzarella cheese 

Garlic Bread and Sliced Bread 

Salt and pepper to taste (I omit this because I’m using leftover beef) 

1. In a pan over medium heat, place 1 tablespoon of oil or butter. 

2. Saute onions, leftover beef, and pepper. 

3. Place the beef mixture on top of the bread. 

4. Add cheese and toast in the oven toaster for 5 minutes or until cheese melts. 

Read: Recipes with Mozzarella 

My son and I enjoyed the thin pancake of Norway and Sweden. We haven’t tried the pancake in Denmark since we always cook our own breakfast at Urban House Copenhagen by Meininger. And because we love the pancake, my mom also cooks this for our breakfast and of course, I did not leave Norway without buying the pancake mix.  These are some pancakes that we ate during our Scandinavia trip; pancake in pancake in Skansen, McDonalds Sweden, pancake in Scandic Kristiansund, and my mom's pancake using Toro Pannekaker.

Sixteen months had passed and I forgot about the instant mix that I bought. Good thing that I saw the Toro Pannekaker mix last week before the expiration date. I immediately cooked pancake na mukhang crepe sa Pilipinas. Hehehe! What I love about this mix, you just need to add water. So I just add 12dl of water to my pancake mix and cook in a hot, greased pan. 

According to my research, the batter can be kept at least 3 days in the refrigerator but I cooked all the batter. It’s been a long time since I cooked crepe at home because I always have a hard time flipping it so I was glad that my crepe turned out fine last weekend. My platter of crepe lasted for 3 days only, we ate it during breakfast and merienda. I prepared different types of crepe using what we have in the kitchen. Nutella crepe, Banana crepe and Mango crepe + powdered sugar, whipped cream, and ice cream. Next time, I will add chocolate syrup. :)

I have watched a lot of Korean Medical drama in the past but Dr. John is not your ordinary medical drama. Just this year, I watched Dr. Romantic, Dr. Romantic 2, and Chocolate, the majority of the doctors in these series are surgeons so most of the scenes are in the Emergency Room and Operating Room. But Dr. John is an anesthesiologist who is a specialist in pain management. 

Read: My Korean Drama List 

Dr. John or Cha Yo-han is an anesthesiologist who is a genius at his work and he can diagnose an illness in ten seconds. He met Kang Si-Young who is also an anesthesiologist, she became a part-timer in prison where Cha Yo Han stayed for 3 years. They both work together and try their very best to find an answer to their patients’ mysterious pain. 

As I mentioned, this is not an ordinary medical drama because this series talks more about pain, suffering, and death. How pain affects both the patients and their families. The role of the doctor whether he can treat or not the patients. We know that pain and death are inevitable. It is part of our lives and we cannot avoid it. 

Sharing some memorable lines in Dr. John Korean Drama Series. 

These lines are so true because I have my own pain too and when I am suffering from severe psoriasis, nobody can understand the pain that I am experiencing unless you have psoriasis too. The same with my family who suffered too because of cancers, COPD, Parkinsons, asthma, and FMS. We can only see that they are in pain but we cannot do anything to ease it. 

I also like the soundtrack of this series, I researched the English version of the song "Star" by Minseo and I found a copy here.

We can’t see each other, like a closed up dream 

You remain in a dark shadow 

You’re filled with scars and even if I can’t reach 

Like destiny, I can’t avoid you 

Even when you’re hurting over sad days 

I’m right by your side 

Even in all the faint moments 

I always believe in you 

I believe in you 

Feels like I’m looking at a withered flower, only pain grows 

Like an icy heart, you’re so cold 

Like the fading star, the thick darkness comes 

But I can’t erase your star anymore 

Even when you’re hurting over sad days 

I’m right by your side 

Even in all the faint moments 

I always believe in you

I’m by your side 

I’m by your side 

Can you see my heart? 

Can you hear my heart? I can only see you 

When things get so hard and you get tired 

I will comfort your heart 

Just like the day we first met, I still believe you 

Are you listening? 

Are you listening? 

Are you listening? 

This was the first drama of Ji Sung that I have watched and I instantly fell in love with his acting so I decided to check his past Korean Drama series. Currently, I’m watching Kill Me Heal Me. 1 out of 20 Ji Sung Korean Drama List.

But there is no harm in trying it so I gave it a chance and I ended up loving this Korean Drama series because I like the leading man (L), the original soundtrack, and the flow of the story. It is a blend of comedy, drama, and romance. Though there are some questions in my head about the deity, their punishment to angels, and other things. But of course, I have to remind myself that this is just a series.

Angel Last Mission: Love is all about a talented ballerina who became blind during her performance because of an accident. And because of that, her character changed and she became abusive to her household staff, secretary, and butler. Kim Dan is a carefree angel who always gets into trouble, one of his missions is to help the ballerina to find her true love in order to go back to heaven but he ended up falling to Yeon Seo. 

Somehow, I could relate to the life of Yeon Se because she lost her parents and her loyal secretary. Losing someone we love is not easy and I even mentioned before that I felt that my heart shattered into thousand pieces when I lost my grandmother and sister-in-law last year and just this year, I lost my father and sister. 

I don’t know what are the reasons why it is happening but one thing I know that our life on earth is temporary. Losing someone we love is a wake-up call, we will realize that life is indeed short so we should be ready. We don’t know when it is our time. 

We cannot deny that sometimes we questioned God because of the sufferings that we are experiencing. We get mad because our prayers are not answered. But at the end of the day, we know that God is God, He alone is our refuge and our rescuer. Let us not lose faith during our sufferings. 

I want to end this post by sharing the lyrics of the Original Sound Track of Angel’s Last Mission. I found the English translation of the "Oh My Angel" song here. I also immediately searched the OST on YouTube and Spotify. RIP replay button. 

It's alright

It's alright 

Lost everything that really meant to me   

It's alright 

It's alright 

Somebody's next to me   

Even when I cried when I was alone, 

You have always been with me   

You are my angel 

Oh... You are my angel 

Always... You're here 

Oh... You are my angel 

You are by my side 

Always... Always stay here forever...   

It's alright 

It's alright 

Although darkness envelops my body   

It's alright 

It's alright 

Because You and I are together   

Even when I cried when I was alone, 

You have always been with me   

You are my angel 

Oh... You are my angel 

Always... You're here 

Oh... You are my angel 

You are by my side 

Always... Always stay here forever...   

Love that cannot be done 

Don't be afraid... 

Just leave it to me...   

Even if the world says no to you, 

I will fly with you anywhere... 

We will rewrite our fate together...   

You are my angel 

Oh... You are my angel 

Always... You're here 

Oh... You are my angel 

You are by my side 

Always... Always stay here forever...