Second Half of the Year

The first half of the year is gone and we’re now in the second half of the year 2020. Six months had passed, and those months are so challenging, overwhelming, and heartbreaking. Today is Day 110 since community quarantine has started and a lot of things happened even I’m just inside our home.

I was reading my Day 32 of Community Quarantine post and I shared that despite what happened in the past 3 months, I still try to be positive. In spite of the community quarantine and being stuck at home, I still feel okay. Then 4 days after I posted that, life hits me hard, my sister passed away and my world turned upside down. 

I wanted to scream “Noooo, this could not be happening to me”. At that moment, I don’t know what to feel anymore, my heart was really shattered into tiny pieces and I don’t know how to be whole again. There are days that I feel that I am just existing but not living. I kept on telling my heart to beat again. It is a long process to get back up and it took me a while to go back to my usual routine.

I am a planner so I always have a short-term or long-term plan but after what happened these past several months. I’ve learned to let go of my 2020 plans, I try not to worry about the future and I take one day at a time. I may not understand what is happening to my life right now, but I still have faith that someday, I will know the purpose and reason.

"Take one day at a time. Today, after all, is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday" - Billy Graham

I’m meditating on this song Blessing by Laura Story “Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops. What if Your healing comes through tears. What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near. What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise”

Though there are sad times, I cannot deny that God is still faithful and I am thankful for all the blessings.

1. When my sister passed away, I was helping her family in processing the death claims. It is hard to process because I can only call or email and I cannot travel. I’m really grateful to people who helped us and my sister’s family in getting some requirements and documents. We are just starting to process kasi kailan lang naman nag-open ang mga offices.I just hope na mawala na ang Covid19 and magkaroon na ng public transportation so it would be easy for us to process.

2. I’m grateful because my husband has still work, hindi siya nasama sa 2% na nalayoff sa company nila. I’m glad that he is still working from home, no need to go to the office, and no business trip.

3. I am thankful that after 109 days of being stuck at home, I was able to go out. Last week, I got my quarantine pass and my dentist messaged me that they are already open. I immediately booked an appointment because it’s been 3 months since my last brace adjustment. That was my quick visit to the outside world.

4. I'm happy because my son is “Gold Eagle Awardee” again. Ang sad part lang, wala kami Recognition Day kahit online so I’m praying na sana next year back to normal na. Nakakasad yung Online Graduation.

5. After 3 months of waiting, I finally received my Living Cash Benefits, naabutan kasi ng lockdown yung check. I’m happy because I am still alive and I can enjoy the benefits of the memorial plan that I purchased 15 years ago.

6. Lastly, even though I’m stuck at home, I’m still happy because I have freelance jobs from time to time. It keeps me productive during this pandemic time. I need to be busy para hindi ako malungkot.

I wanted to end this post with this quote “Be strong now because things will get better. It might be stormy now, but it can’t rain forever”